Your Inner Circle

 

One of my favourite pastors L.Spencer Smith wrote “There’s a facilitation of the heart that should only be reserved for those who can handle the “nakedness” of your true self. You are responsible to discern that which qualifies to have access to that precious inner sanctum from which the issues of your life flows. You don’t owe everyone access there and never be guilted into giving it to those who don’t measure up. Lock your pearls and your peace”

You see folks, the people you keep in your inner circle should be carefully chosen. This is something even Jesus understood and applied. He chose 12 disciples, but even within those 12, He had 3 that He was closer to than the rest. These were the 3 that He took with Him to the garden of Gethsemane when He was about to be crucified. We can find this story in Matthew Chapter 26 from verse 36. This was His trying hour, the hour when He was weak and full of sorrow. These are the men He chose to be with Him at that time. 

Not everyone in your life should be granted access to your innermost being. Now, I need you to understand that choosing people in this manner does not make you a bad person or a snob, neither does it mean that the people you have left out are bad people. It simply means, you are aware of the fact that you need to have the right people in your inner circle. 

Most times, the people in your inner circle can determine whether you move closer to God or away from Him. We will discuss this more deeply in the next post. The people in your inner circle will either influence you to reach your potential or they will hold you back. You need to have people who not only embrace and support you, but will also correct you when you are wrong. You need people who will challenge you to grow as a person and will not celebrate your mediocrity. 

Late pastor Myles Munroe once told a story about how when he was a boy, in primary school, he came home one day excited to tell his mum that he was top of the class in a recent test they had taken. His mother took one look at the report and shook her head; she said “you’re top of the class with 73%. You’re not smart, everyone else is just stupid”. 

Now, it may sound harsh coming from a mother to a young boy buy she was trying to teach him something. People who encourage and celebrate your mediocrity are poisonous to your growth as a person. It is not okay for you to be mediocre, it is not okay for you to have bad manners, it is not okay for you to be a stagnant and luke warm Christian, it is not okay for you to settle for less than what you are capable of and it is definitely not okay for you to play around with your life. The people in your inner circle must know this and they must hold you accountable and help you stay on the right path.

Not everyone deserves or qualifies to listen to your problems, to witness you falling apart in a moment of weakness. Even in your moment of anger, not everyone deserves or qualifies to listen to your thoughts in that moment. I have learned the hard way, to be careful who I vent to when I’m going through something. Some people are just listening so they can be entertained; others listen so they can repeat what you said to whoever else might be interested; the worst people, listen so they can use it against you later on.

Pastor Jay Patrick wrote down some guidelines on how to choose your inner circle. You need:

At least one person who loves you unconditionally

At least one person that’s smarter than you

At least one person who appreciates your gifts/talents

At least one person who is unimpressed by your gifts/talents (to keep you grounded)

At least one person who has accomplished more than you

At least one person who is brutally honest

At least one person who is older than you and full of wisdom

There is no limit to how big your inner circle should be. Jesus chose 12, and then had 3 in another smaller inner circle.  I know that finding all those people mentioned above is not easy in this day and age, but I’m sure if we really tried, we can tick some on that checklist. 

I cannot stress enough the importance of choosing your inner circle carefully. There are many times when I have seen someone in a certain situation and thought to myself “you need new friends”. I have seen people go unchecked and uncorrected by their chosen inner circle, who instead choose to “appease ignorance with their silence”.

I implore you all to evaluate your inner circle and do not be afraid to remove people if you see that they do not qualify. This is your life, your potential, your destiny. You only live once. It is up to you to make sure you are living that one life, with the right people.

Soul Ties that Bind

This topic has been on my mind for a while, and I am finally getting round to writing it all down for you.

Today, we’re going to educate each other on soul ties. The first thing we need to understand is that human beings are made of 3 parts: the body, the soul and the spirit

• Your body is the bones and flesh, the house that holds the soul and spirit
• Your spirit is your divine nature that was designed to commune with God.
• Your soul comprises of your mind, emotions ad will. This is where the real drama happens. The issues to do with your soul run deep. This is where your actions come from, your will is carried out first in your soul. This is also the most corrupt and difficult part of a person to reform.

A soul tie is an emotional bond or connection that is formed between 2 people. I’m going to focus on 2 types of soul ties: sexual soul ties and emotional soul ties.

SEXUAL SOUL TIES

A sexual soul tie is formed when 2 people have sex. Whether in marriage or outside of it, sex is never just sex. Before you think this is all religious babble, I’ll explain it using biology: You see, when a woman has sex with a man, the hormone called Oxytocin is released. This is the same hormone that a womans body releases when she gives birth. It is the hormone responsible for bonding and forming emotional connections. Now the thing about this hormone is that it has no boundaries. It doesn’t know whether the sex is being had in marriage or out of it. Even during a one night stand, with a guy you met at the club: Oxytocin is released.  Biologically, when a woman is having sex, the part of her brain that deal with fear, intuition and anxiety is relaxed. So during that act, a woman is vulnerable. Not only is she forming a connection, she is also feeling more trusting and a lot less reserved. Her guard is down. 

For men; during sex, dopamine is released. Dopamine is responsible for pleasure. 

Women are a lot more susceptible to sexual soul ties than men are. This does not mean that men do not develop soul ties, they do. Soul ties are what keeps side-chicks being side-chicks. That relationship stays because the woman gets her dose of oxytocin and the man gets his dopamine. Everyone feels happy. 

 

Remember that your soul is comprises of your mind, emotions and will. So if your soul has bonded and tied to someone, you’ll find yourself thinking about them (mind), you’ll find yourself drawn to them physically and wanting to be around them (will) and you will find yourself feeling something akin to love (emotions) for this person. There are people who have gotten married because they had a sexual soul tie and they thought it was love , that they were meant to be together. 

When you find yourself checking their facebook page, driving by their house, asking about hem, thinking about what could have been; you have a soul tie. I’ll go as far as saying if you have an emotional reaction when you see them, hear from them or their name is mentioned; you have a soul tie. An emotional reaction can be anything from anger, to anxiety to a leap in your heart to a feeling of warmth when the phone rings ad you see their name. When you hear their voice and you smile…there is a soul tie.

This is why God never intended for people to have sex outside of marriage because when you think about it; all these things, within a marriage, would be ok.  

EMOTIONAL SOUL TIES

These are the trickiest because they can occur even in friendships (without sex) and they are difficult to identify.  When you form intimate friendships with people, where you share secrets, you open your heart and mind to this person, you let each other in; you form emotional bonds with them. The thing about these bonds is that while you’re just close friends, you can take on the characteristics, addictions and even every spiritual bondage that your friend is dealing with.  Yes, it is that serious. That’s why you find people who spend so much time together people who are very close to one another, begin to think and behave alike. There have been some exchanges taking place spiritually, and in the soul. 

This is why I am a huge fan of boundaries. I am very strict about who I keep close because I know what can come out of intimate friendships. 

There are godly friendship soul ties though. In the book of Samuel, we read that Jonathan and David’s souls were knit. It was this bond, this Godly knitting that helped David escape Saul’s various attempts to kill him. 

 

Not all emotional soul ties are bad, but there are ways to identify a good one:

Any tie that draws you away from God in any way, is not a healthy soul tie. There is no such thing as a stagnant Christian. You’re either drawing closer to God or you’re drawing away from Him. Evaluate which direction your emotional tie is taking you. 

Co-dependence: if your tie does not allow you to function on your own: make up your own mind, do your own thing, walk your own path: it is not healthy. You should NEVER be so deeply tied to a friend/ group of friends (other than your spouse) that you cannot walk away from them with ease. 

WHY SO SERIOUS?

Having Ungodly soul ties can actually hinder you from becoming the person you were created to be. If you are emotionally tied to a friend for example, and where God is taking you, that friend cannot come with you. Because you are tied, you are unable to walk away and so you will stay there, wondering why your life is not progressing. 

Especially those ties that come with strongholds and those friendships that don’t draw you closer to God or help you become a better person. 

The Bible tells us to love God with all our heart, body and soul. You cannot give God your entire soul, if pieces of it are being held in soul ties. In order for God to mold you into everything He knows you can be, you need to be free! 

Y’all think this is a joke. There are people who will never be everything they were created to be, because they married the wrong person, or have ungodly soul ties. In fact, in some cases, having a soul tie with a former boyfriend can stop you from finding a husband. The space meant for that man, is already occupied by someone else and you don’t even realize it. You think it’s just old memories and what not.

BREAKING FREE…

The first thing you need to do, is make up your mind that you want to be free of this. You cannot decide to break a soul tie because you’re angry at someone and they’re not treating you right, because the day they decide to start acting right, you’ll re-build that tie. 

You have to decide to relinquish them from your heart. Throw away everything that reminds you of that person, photos, gifts, letters. If there is even one song on your playlist that brings up memories of this person, delete it. Cut ties and let them go in every way. 

You need to pray over it, repeatedly until it is gone. Ask God to heal your memory; He can do that.

If you’re holding on to anger towards a person, you are still tied. You can be angry about an event that happened, without being angry at the person who did it. It is possible and legit.

If the tie is with a close, intimate friend…put some distance and keep them at arm’s length, unless God has specifically told you that this person/people need to go.  

This Thing Called Pride

 I had to take a deep breath before I started writing this; I was worried it might turn into a psychotic rant.

There are so many verses in the Bible about pride, will list a few right here.

 Jeremiah 9:23 this is what the Lord says. ‘Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches.

Proverbs 11:2 When Pride comes then comes disgrace. But with humility comes wisdom

Proverbs 13:10 Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice

Proverbs 16:5 The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this, they will not go unpunished

 

Proverbs 16:9 Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud

Psalm 10:4 in his pride, the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God

Romans 12:16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

It is such an important topic, that God felt the need to address it several times just in case we missed the point the first time He said it. Pride will have you seeking admiration from people. Pride will have you refusing to be corrected by those you deem less than you. Pride will have you surrounding yourself with only those who stroke your ego. Pride will be the start of your downfall.

Everyone is born with a measure of pride. Even a 2 year old can be too proud to say ‘sorry’ to a friend. It’s just that as we grow older, as we become more educated; start making more money, start creating a name for ourselves in our cities or communities; that measure of pride, gets bigger. It gets bigger to the point that we will refuse to be seen taking public transport if our car decides to break down somewhere. We will refuse to be seen talking to people we think are ‘beneath us’. We will refuse to take advice or constructive criticism from anyone we believe is not ‘worthy’ or ‘big enough’ to offer advice or criticism.

Human beings, by nature, are generally vain. We like anything that makes us feel good, we like anyone who tells us all the amazing things about us. So much that if we meet someone who doesn’t think that highly of us, we are quick to get offended and dismiss them as ‘haters’. Thing is though, we all need to have people around us, who will remind us that even with our achievements and wealth or fame, we are still imperfect human beings, being molded by a perfect God. I always say to people, that if you don’t humble yourself, God will humble you and it will be painful.  

When God decides to humble you, He will remove everything about you that people use to measure you as successful. If it is your money that causes people to praise you and feed your ego, He will take that. If it is your ‘popularity’ that makes you proud, He will make you a laughing stock to show you that popularity means absolutely nothing. If it is your beauty that makes you proud, He will find a way to show you that there are others He created who are far more beautiful than you.

 I remember a friend of mine who applied for a job that involved a lot of face to face contact with clients and she said ‘If I get this job, it will mostly be because of my looks’. She found herself very pretty and her sense of security was in that beauty. She was called for an interview and she got to the interview venue to find a long line of girls just as pretty and others far prettier than she is. She did not get the job and I’m pretty sure she was humbled.

Search your heart, and ask God to show you if there is anything in your life that causes you to be proud. A lot of people are not aware of this, but the last 2-3 years have been very tough for me. In that time, I have been broken, pruned and molded by God. There are things I am not embarrassed to do now, that would have made me cringe 5 years ago. 

Sometimes, I will chat with a friend, and he/she will say something about being  in a situation where they hoped they wouldn’t see or meet anyone they know because they will be laughed at or mocked, and I’m sat there thinking ‘so what if they laugh?’

If you think you’re too good, your name is too important, your image is too precious to do some things that people with less income do on a daily basis, you might need to evaluate your pride levels.

I’m not saying I have been pruned to perfection. Not even close. God is still working in me, but I can tell you for sure, that pride is something I am glad God has somehow reduced in me.

A Friend of God

 

Are you and God friends? Today I want us to go through what it means to be a friend of God. There are several people in the Bible who God considered friends; Abraham, David and Moses are the most popular, let’s not forget Enoch, even though the Bible does not say much about him.

To be friends with someone, you have to be able to walk together. You need to have things in common. We have a lot of friends, people we chat with and spend time with. The difference between these friendships and friendship with God is that a proper friendship with God is never casual. It is intense, mostly because of what God requires and expects of you if you are to be His friend.

God will not play second fiddle to anyone. If He is to be your friend, He has to be number 1 in your life. He is a jealous God, so much that He will not allow you to trust anyone more than you trust Him. There are times we fall out with close friends, and we blame the enemy for coming between us and that friend; we must also consider that God can in fact provoke someone’s anger against you, to destroy that friendship If He sees that you have started valuing that friendship more than you value the one you have with Him.

A.W Tozer said ‘I have spent more time in conversation with God, than I have with men’

God wants to be the first person we run to when we want to talk. Often times, when something happens to us, when we have a strange situation, we run to friends, parents, pastors, prophets. We run to everyone except the one person who actually has the power to fix our situation. We need to get to a place where we know God so well, that we can speak to Him and lose track of time because you were conversing with a friend. Bear in mind, that God will never repeat what you tell Him to other people. He won’t gossip about you, what you say to Him stays between you and Him. If that doesn’t make you want to talk to God first, I’m not sure what it will take.

God requires us to resist entertaining all doubts of Him, if we are to be His friends. We must believe His word and hold on to it. We must trust His heart, even when we can’t see His hand in our situation. We must constantly be aware that we are loved and that God wants to hear from us. The Bible tells us to ‘pray without ceasing’. Some people have taken this to mean that they must quit their jobs and spend their days in prayer. This entire instruction means, is that we must be aware of God’s presence all the time. If we keep His presence in mind, we can actually talk to Him silently, in our mind and heart, even as we go about running our daily errands. You can sit in traffic and talk to God instead of listening to music. You can talk to God as you cook, as you take a shower. Being aware of and acknowledging His presence will not only lead to deeper intimacy with Him, but will also help you resist sin. Your mind will be concentrated on things above. Your spirit will become strong enough to resist any temptations the enemy tries to seduce you with.

 I cannot stress enough the importance of obedience if we are to be Gods friend. If you look through the Bible and read the stories of people who did great things with and for God, you will find that the one thing they had in common, was obedience. Abraham, Moses, David, Elijah to name a few. All these people were able to do great things because they were receptive to Gods word. They obeyed every instruction that came from Him. To them, Gods word was the law and there was no compromising about it. They obeyed promptly and with every ounce of joy they could master. They obeyed their heavenly father because they knew and trusted Him.

I read a story the other day about a blind 4 year old girl. The building she lived in with her parents was on fire and she was standing by the window. He dad had gone out to the store and there were firemen at the bottom telling her to jump. They told her they had placed a soft place for her to land when she jumped; but the little girl stood by the window and would not move. Then her dad arrived at the scene, saw his daughter standing by the window. He told her to jump and without hesitating, the little girl jumped. She was blind; she could not see how far she was from the bottom or what kind of soft landing had been prepared for her. She jumped only when she heard her fathers’ voice. She recognized his voice, she trusted his instruction, she knew this was the man who loved her and would not tell her to jump to her death. Oh how much easier our lives would be if we knew God so well, that we recognized His voice, His actions and His hand in our lives. If we had a friendship with God so intimate that we could trust His instructions regardless of what is happening around us, we would find Christianity a whole lot easier.

Finally, the one other thing God requires of us is that we fear Him. We cannot be friends with God while living like someone who has never heard of God and has no respect or fear of Him. We are told to be in the world but not of the world. We cannot do what everyone else does, not if we want to be friends with God. We need to maintain a clean heart and clear conscience because we know how much these things mean to God. Note that every effort you make towards moving to God, He notices and appreciates. Every time you take the time to speak to Him, He notices. 

If we can get to that point where we cannot go a day without talking to God, our spiritual journey will become a lot more beneficial for us and others around us will notice the difference in our character and attitude. The more time you spend with God, talking to Him, reading His word, thinking of Him, the more you begin to reflect His character. What you feed will grow. If we feed our spiritual lives, we will grow and mature as Christians. In the Bible God promised that if we go near to Him, He will draw near to us. If we start today, making that effort to draw closer to God; even if we start with a 2 minute prayer, every day for 30 days, I can guarantee you that there will be a change in you. Every step you take towards Him, He takes one towards you.

I should warn you though, if you have decided to pursue this course, you will lose your taste for certain things you have enjoyed in the past. You will no longer enjoy certain music, certain venues; even certain friends will no longer fit in with your new lifestyle. You will notice that you are on your way to becoming a whole new person. That person you are becoming will be the person God created you to be and he/she will be a much better version of your old self.

Try it and see.